April 25, 2013
Almost an Entire Trip Around the Sun
So remember
when I warned you that I might do this blogging thing in fits and spurts? Yeah.
I will try
to give you the Cliff’s Notes version of the events between last summer and
now, but even the summary is bound to get verbose, so hang in there.
My last post
was about my breastmilk supply fading. That continued. P nursed until about 13-14 months, but not
full-time anymore. We supplemented with
formula and it was fine, of course. Ultimately P’s laid-back personality was a
wonderful benefit as his transition from breastmilk to formula supplementation
to whole milk was smooth and for all intents and purposes he self-weaned, which
is what I truly wanted (I think he would have happily nursed longer if my body
would have played ball and hung in there better….but as you are about to see,
life kicked me in the gut a bit during this time and I shut down
some….producing milk was not my body’s top priority).
In July we
went on a family vacation to Blue Ridge, GA.
This is a favorite, inexpensive destination for us as we have friends
with a beautiful cabin there and it is a 10 hour drive, so no flying required!
We had a
wonderful time, but I will say as a general statement, that vacationing with a
child is WAY different than vacationing as a childless couple. Definitely more sober and less restful.
August. I
have A LOT of emotions tied up in August of 2012 and I am sure I will have to
revisit that particular month again later with a more introspective post, but
we have ground to cover, so I will keep it brief for now.
So on August
4th was P’s Very Hungry Caterpillar 1st Birthday party.
It was wonderful. August 7th was his actual birthday. On the 12th, a Sunday, my mom came
to town in the evening to stay with P so J and I could have a ‘date-night’ for
his birthday, which was the next day, the 13th.
On Tuesday,
August 14th, my mom had a job interview for an accounting job that
she was very excited about. She had been
out of work since being laid off when the economy collapsed (she worked in big
construction and that was not the place to be when companies stop building).
During her interview she collapsed. She had an aortic aneurysm and she died.
She was 52.
I could
write and write (and write) about her and it would not do justice to our
relationship, or the bond she had with P, or how much I hate it, every day that
she is gone.
So, for the
rest of my life, in the period between August 7th and August 14th,
I will celebrate my son’s life, my husband’s life and mourn my mother’s
death. She would hate it. I hate it. She would just hate to know how it all
happened and how close it is to P’s birthday.
I get irrationally upset when I think about how sad it would make my mom
to know about the details of her own death….how’s that for morbid circular
logic?
I have to go
back to that later or I will just stay there for this whole post and we will
all be stuck in August 2012.
From there,
we kind of sprint forward to now.
In December,
instead of spending Christmas at home, J insisted we go to Blue Ridge…mostly to
get me somewhere mentally neutral since not having my mom around was going to
be rough, and it was. My best friend and her son and husband came too; it was
as good as it could have been all things considered.
In the last
4 months: I turned 33; one of my best friends had her first baby, a daughter;
my cousin in Indiana (the one who we visited for her wedding when my mom and I
went to Indy last May) had her first baby, also a daughter; we went to visit my
Aunt in Ohio (my mom’s sister); and J and I put an offer in on what will
hopefully be the first home we own.
Some general
catch up: I DID sell my pony to a wonderful home in south Florida! Now I am trying to sell my personal horse,
Reese…time and finances and parenthood do not lend very well to horse
ownership. It is sad, but the
responsible thing to do (being an adult really sucks sometimes!). I still work for the citrus company and I
still get frustrated sometimes and check the job boards for microbiologist
positions that are open, but overall I am comfortable with my job decision for
now. J and I keep debating the second
child possibility. His age and finances
are the big considerations for NO (and the fact that until 8 months ago when my
mom died, I was very happy being an only child). However, the fact that P does not have a lot
of living family and the fact that I think that deep down J really wants
another baby are pulling me towards the YES side of the argument more and
more. We’ll see.
I think, in
a nutshell, that is as good as it gets for right now. Hopefully I can bring us all some clarity on
the details in some future posts. Sorry
for the lack of funny or witty in this one, it was a kind of necessary to just
plow through the timeline and the sad stuff to get back up to date.
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