June 25, 2013
So remember I said I was not a beach person and I could take
or leave Florida in general? To me the beach = sand and salty sweat. Well, I am aware that a lot of people are NOT
like that, they love the beach.
My mom was somewhere in the middle, she did not care for the
heat and humidity of Florida, but she did love the beach and being by the water
in general. I think she found her peace there. My best friend and two of my
aunts (my dad’s sister and one of my mom’s sisters) are also that way, beach =
peace. I get it, there is an energy and a smell at the ocean that is unlike
anything else.
I bring this up because my dad’s sister, who lives in
Indiana, was in Florida for the last few weeks and this past weekend was her
last weekend in town. She wanted to spend
it with me and P at the beach. I happily
agreed, although I have to be honest, I was not jumping for joy on the inside,
but I knew it would make my aunt happy to share that with P since the beach is
very special to her.
We got to Cocoa late in the afternoon on Saturday, so we
just swam in the hotel pool and went out to a nice dinner. P loves the water and my aunt used to be a
swim instructor for years, so they really enjoyed the pool time together.
Sunday morning we packed all of our gear and headed to the beach.
Wow. Just…wow. I learned very quickly that my child LOVES
the beach. We had not even finished putting our bags down and setting up our
chairs….he took one look at the waves and the water and ran, just fearlessly
ran towards the water and barely got out the entire time until we were ready to
leave. He was the only toddler I saw there that kept going back for more. He got tumbled by the waves a few times (I
was right there the whole time to keep him from being scared…or being too brave
for his own safety!) and he just laughed and stood up and waited for the next
one. Seeing him so happy was the most fun I have ever had at the beach…ever. And
maybe I got a little taste of that whole beach = peace thing.
There are moments with P – just day to day things that stop
me in my tracks sometimes and make me really miss my mom. The entire trip to the beach was one of those
experiences. I know this will keep happening, P is obviously going to keep
growing up and he is going to keep experiencing life and I am going to keep
thinking ‘I would have given anything to have my mom here to experience this’.
But this day at the beach has been the biggest one so far. Maybe because it was
an experience that she would have soaked in with such complete happiness and joy….playing
with P in the waves at the beach. I could picture her there in the water with
him in such clarity, it almost seemed somehow unfair that I, someone who takes
all things beach for granted, got to enjoy that day with him and she did not (I
am learning there is no logic in grief).
So I am off to reroute some of my summer weekends to include
some beach trips. This will make my best friend happy.
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